


Not Quite Happy

by bug_the_clown



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Eddie Kaspbrak, Eddie Kaspbrak & Beverly Marsh Are Best Friends, Eddie Kaspbrak Deserves Better, Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Eddie Kaspbrak is a Mess, Endgame Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Gay Richie Tozier, I don't think I'll ever write something where they don't, I'm still writing this, Idk how long it'll be lmao, M/M, they have a happy ending i promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:40:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27443542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bug_the_clown/pseuds/bug_the_clown
Summary: Every week day for the past two years, 24 year old Eddie Kaspbrak woke up at 6:00 a.m. He would wash his face, take one pill for his anxiety (doctor prescribed), brush his teeth, get dressed, comb his hair, fix and eat breakfast, brush his teeth again, and be in his car ready to go to work by 6:30. Every day, he lived his life the same way. He never strayed from his schedule, even with his friend's protests.Eddie Kaspbrak was content.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Full Disclosure: I'm still working on this. I've been writing for months (not in order rip), and I wasn't going to post this until I finished, but Biden won, Trump's gonna be out of office, and I'm a happy drunk, so... ENJOY! As usual, please comment if you like it!! Lemme know what you like, so I can include that more!!

Every week day for the past two years, 24 year old Eddie Kaspbrak woke up at 6:00 a.m. He would wash his face, take one pill for his anxiety (doctor prescribed), brush his teeth, get dressed, comb his hair, fix and eat breakfast, brush his teeth again, and be in his car ready to go to work by 6:30.

He would drive to the high school where he worked as a math teacher and he would get there by 6:45 (or 6:50 if there was a bit of traffic), go to his classroom, and work on whatever he needed to at the time. At 8:00 a.m., his students would start coming in, and at 8:30 he would start his first class of the day. His lunch break was 12:15 to 12:45, and he always ate something healthy.

Classes finished at 3:20 and he would always stay behind, either monitoring detention or grading papers, and he would leave at 5:00, stopping at a local bar (halfway between the school and his house) every Friday for drinks with his friends and coworkers. He would have one or two drinks, stay until he was 100% sober, end up leaving the bar at 7:30, getting back home at 7:35 (or 7:40 if there was a bit of traffic).

He would then eat dinner, fix his lunch for the next day, wash the dishes, then finally finish up any work he had to do before spending the rest of the night relaxing. For Eddie Kaspbrak, relaxing meant fixing himself non-caffeinated tea, alone, sitting in his living room, alone, and reading the newest book one of his friends recommended, alone.

At 9:30 he would shower, do his nightly routine, and fall asleep by 10 p.m. On the weekends he no longer had any work from his job to do, so on Saturday he would jog, take a shower, get groceries, clean his apartment, pay bills and taxes if he needed to, and do an activity with at least one of his 5 friends, none of them talking about anything school related. He didn’t usually have any specific plans on Sundays, other than his therapy sessions that he had once every month at the same time (1:00 p.m.– 2:00 p.m.), but he was almost always alone.

Eddie Kaspbrak was content.

His friends would tell him to get out more, sometimes trying to set him up on dates. “Eddie,” his friend Ben, the carpentry teacher at his school, would say. “Myra asked me about you again. She really seems to like you.”

Myra was the receptionist in the principal’s office. Eddie didn’t like her.

She would sometimes try to make eye contact, smiling at him, and he would give an awkward smile back, never quite meeting her eyes. He would sometimes feel bad. After all, it wasn’t as though he didn’t _want_ a relationship, he just didn’t want for someone to come into his life, make him grow really attached to them, have him rewrite all of his schedules to include them, realize how neurotic and mean he was, then leave him with a ruined schedule and a broken heart.

On second thought, Eddie didn’t think he _did_ want a relationship.

On September 28th, one Thursday afternoon, Eddie was eating lunch (chicken salad with an apple and water) with his friend Beverly, the school’s P.E. teacher. She was finishing her own apple she always brought for lunch when she suddenly said

“Did you expect it from Robert Gray?”

Robert Gray was the drama teacher. He was also Eddie Kaspbrak’s second least favorite person.

His least favorite person was his mother.

“What do you mean?”

Her eyes widened, and she glanced around the break room, making sure that they were alone. They were, of course. Their friends didn’t share the same lunch time and the other teachers were either working or in the actual cafeteria.

“You know he got fired, right? That’s why there’s been a sub for drama. But yesterday he got arrested, caught trying to sell drugs to the kids. The new teacher is starting tomorrow.”

“I fucking _knew_ something was off about that guy. Fucking hated him, and I know my students that take drama did too.”

She chuckled, twisting the stem of the apple, like she always did after she finished, and tossed it in the garbage can.

“Do you know who the new teacher’s gonna be?” he asked, taking a bite from his own apple.

“No fucking clue. If they’re cute and our age, you should ask them on a date.” He rolled his eyes at that, groaning slightly. “Why can’t _you_ ask them out? You’re too invested in my relationship.”

“Because you’re a good guy, and you could have such a good relationship!”

“I don’t _need_ a relationship though! I have a job I like, a nice apartment, some friends. What more do you want from me?”

She sighed. “I want you to be happy, Eddie.”

“I am happy!” he protested, making her sigh again. “Maybe I should meddle in your love life, how would you like that?”

“Please do,” she said with a grin. “Let’s set each other on blind dates. You know, Myra asked Ben about you again the other day, I really think you’d hit it off.”

“Fuck off, Bev,” he chuckled, finishing his apple and throwing it away, getting the remains of his lunch together.

“Oh, before you go, I gotta ask you. Since drama’s lunch time is the same as Bill and Bens’, they’ll be able to really meet and talk to the new teacher. If they’re chill, they want to invite them to drink with us. Is that cool?”

“Yeah!” he lied. He didn’t want Bill and Ben to have to deal with an asshole, but Friday was the one day he felt as though he was _allowed_ to let loose, and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to do that with a stranger there. He also knew that his friends would say if was fine if he told them that, but none of them would really understand, except maybe Stanley, the school’s science teacher. He desperately wanted to say no, it was too much, but instead he just said “Of course. That’s cool.”

She looked worried. “Are you sure? I can tell them” she started to say before Eddie got up to leave, kissing her head. “It’s fine, Bev, _I’ll_ be fine, really.” He gave her a soft smile, hoping to ease her concern. It seemed to do the trick, because she gave him her normal grin, bright and dazzling, showing her dimples. He understood why many of the teachers were interested in her.

He knew that he could never fall in love with her. She was too much like a sister to him, but every time she looked at him like that, he couldn’t help but give a genuine smile back, mentally noting that whoever she ends up falling in love with is going to be the luckiest goddamn person on earth. He hopes they’ll know that they should thank god for every single day they get to spend with her.

“Alright, Eddie. Now go follow your insane schedule and get back to class.” He flipped her off but went anyway. The rest of his day continued as usual, him going home at five and starting on making his dinner, a nice pasta dish with a salad, other than the voice in the back of his head nagging him about the change that was bound to happen the next day.

He knew that he could be _(was)_ difficult _(horrible)_ to be around, and he would be eternally grateful for his friends’ acceptance of who he was _(doesn’t mean they like who you are, fucker)_ , along with his therapist for helping him manage his anxieties _(he took his pills this morning right? He had to, he always does)_ , but if it went well on Friday, and they added a new person to their group of six _(even though six admittingly always felt a little wrong, not that Eddie would ever tell anyone that)_ , that could throw everything off. So many scenarios ran through his head. If the two of them don’t get along, that would be bad.

Logically, he knew that his friends loved him _(do they?),_ but what if they liked this new person more? What if the new teacher was fun (which of fucking course the teacher was going to be fun, they’re going to be the _drama teacher_ , that’s supposed to be the fun teacher (even though stupid fucking _Robert Gray_ was the old drama teacher and he was as fun as a broken arm or a ruined schedule)) and the other five realized how fun the teacher is compared to Eddie? _(Boring, neurotic, anxious Eddie.)_

Eddie, who the other teachers call Edward (he’s only _24_ goddamn years old), or some of the older male teachers call Ed, and he hates it because he doesn’t usually like nicknames but he’s so used to being called Eddie _(bear)_ by his stupid fucking _(abusive)_ mom and why the _fuck_ would they ever keep him around when there’s going to be a new _(much more fun)_ teacher that’s going to be better than him.

Even Stan, nice, reliable Stanley, who is similar to Eddie, but not in the stupid fucking _(crazy)_ annoying way _(you’re crazy Eddie)_ that Eddie is. Stan, who birdwatches (not that there’s anything wrong with birdwatching, _Eddie,_ you’re just an asshole) and completes puzzles (such a goddamn asshole), is the better version of Eddie. He’s safe and practical, but has wit (Stan is funny, you’re just a huge fucking dick) and charm and a fiancée who’s planning their wedding who loves him. Stan has a beautiful family and what does Eddie have? What beautiful thing does Eddie have? A schedule _(and fuck, you dickwad, you burnt the goddamn food you fucking idiot why do you fuck up every single goddamn thing you do?)_

Eddie has a schedule and burnt dinner. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh god, Eddie, he’s here and he’s so cute! You’re going to love him!”  
> She pulled away with a huge grin, making him smile subconsciously, he heard the bathroom door open while she continued talking.   
> “He’s super fucking tall, and his name is”  
> “Richie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy the chapter!!! :)

On September 29th, Eddie Kaspbrak woke up at 6:00 a.m. on a beautiful Friday morning. The sun wasn’t quite risen yet, he could hear the birds chirping, and there was nothing more that he wanted to do than die right there. But he got up as usual, went about his day as usual, and found himself alone in his classroom at 6:30.

As usual.

About once every few months, Eddie allowed himself to think ‘what if?’. What if he quit? He knew he wouldn’t realistically do that. Even if he didn’t want to not live on the street after not being able to pay his bills, he _liked_ his job. Sure, some of the kids were little shits, but he enjoyed helping them understand math, which had always been his favorite subject. So, he never thought about _that_ for too long. What if he were raised by someone else? He thinks he would be happier, in general. Not to say he isn’t happy _(and that’s not to say he is),_ he’s content in life, for the most part _(barely),_ but would he be less anxious? He wonders about that more often. What if he wasn’t anxious? He knew he would be lying if there wasn’t a part of him that used that as an excuse as to why he doesn’t go out, why he doesn’t date, why he doesn’t _(live)_ have as much fun as he could be having. Would he _want_ to do things if he wasn’t anxious? Would he still be Eddie?

Reliable _(boring),_

neurotic _(crazy),_

anxious _(MANIPULATIVE)_

Edward Frank Kaspbrak.

He graded papers until 8:30, and then taught his class when they all arrived. At 12:15, he took his lunch into the staff’s breakroom and started eating. Beverly got there at 12:17, like she usually did.

(Everything is normal. It’s fine. You’re okay)

“Have you gotten a chance to meet the drama teacher yet?”

(Fuck)

“I haven’t,” he muttered, shaking his leg. She gave him a concerned look and nudged his knee with her own.

“Hey, Eddie, what’s wrong? Is it about tonight? Like I said, I can talk to Bill and Ben about it, there’s still time, and I know that they would understand.” _(They would hate you)_

_(Did you take your pills?)_

He felt her knee again and looked up quickly to see her look even more worried than before.

“Sorry,” he heard himself say before shaking his head again. “I’m sorry, I’m a little out of it today. It’s okay. Tonight will be fine. Have _you_ met the teacher yet?” She still looked worried, so he gave her a more earnest smile and nudged her with his knee.

“I haven’t. I wish the gym could be closer so I could see them. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, don’t worry, I’m fine.” He hopes it’s not a lie. “I’m just feeling a bit anxious,

_(manipulative)_

But I’ll be okay.

_(you’re manipulative)_

They could be really nice.”

_(You’re_

_Just_

_Like_

_Her)_

“If they aren’t, I’ll beat them up for you, alright?” she laughed before pulling out her apple, starting to eat it.

The rest of lunch was normal, Eddie managed to ignore most of his anxious thoughts, and the rest of his day at school was fine. One student who was bad at math (but so sweet, one of his favorites) made a breakthrough and was finally able to understand something and she was so happy she looked like she was close to tears, and that made Eddie choked up, but suddenly it became 5:00 and he had to leave.

He arrived in the parking lot of the bar, Turtle Cove, at 5:02, getting there earlier than usual, and decided to wait three more minutes before he went inside.

They’re going to hate him.

(Two more minutes left)

He won’t have any friends left.

(One more minute left)

He’ll be alone again.

(Go inside you asshole, it’s time)

He opened the door, letting the sudden smell of liquor and the ringing of the small bell attached to the top of the door greet him as he nodded to the bartender, and owner, Mary. He saw Bev immediately, she always sat where she can see everyone who comes in (she’s told him before, while drunk, that it was a habit she picked up from when she was 11. She would go to places in her hometown, always keeping an eye on the door to make sure her father never came in. She never mentioned it again after that night, so neither had he) and she waved to him, a huge grin on her face. He quickly went to their usual spot, her hugging him, kissing his cheek, and she looked at the bathroom door while Eddie did a quick head count. Bev, Ben, Stan, Bill, the English teacher, and Mike, the history teacher. He hoped that the drama teacher wasn’t cool when Bev leaned in and whispered to him

_“Oh god, Eddie, he’s here and he’s so cute! You’re going to love him!”_

She pulled away with a huge grin, making him smile subconsciously, he heard the bathroom door open while she continued talking.

“He’s super fucking tall, and his name is”

“Richie.” Eddie said, shocked, looking past his friend and seeing the tall man, whose face lit up entirely after seeing him.

“Eds!”

“You know him?” he hears Bev ask but he’s still looking at Richie.

“What- Rich, you’re the new drama teacher?”

“Yeah! Shit, I didn’t realize you worked there too!” Richie’s still smiling at him, Eddie vaguely noticed.

“Uh, guys?” Mike’s talking now. Right, his friends. He turned to the table quickly, most of them looking confused or amused. “You know each other?”

He glanced at Richie (who is still smiling at him, his dimples, freckles, wow he looks the same _(but even better? how?))_ and responded. “Um, yeah. We, uh, we do.”

“Eds and I used to work together!

_(You gave him your inhaler)_

We worked at our town’s video store,

_(He would flirt with you constantly)_

But then he moved and we lost touch.”

_(You all almost kissed)_

Eddie felt an arm around him, pulling him away from his thoughts. “Man, you would get so fucking mad whenever I’d call you Eds! You hated it.”

He rolled his eyes, shoving him gently. “I still do, asshole. You know I hate nicknames.”

Richie laughed (keeping his arm around him _(Eddie doesn’t want him to move)_ ). “I still remember your _favorite_ nickname, Eddie Spaghetti!”

Eddie groaned, face becoming flushed at the sounds of his friends laughing. He felt Bev trying to make eye contact with him, but he refused to acknowledge her.

“You haven’t changed at all. You’re still obnoxious as all hell. The only difference is you’re taller, which really, _what the hell?_ You weren’t freakishly tall enough before? You’re just blatantly rubbing it in at this point.”

“Aww, are you jealous?” he teased, and Eddie _could feel_ his own blush, which pissed him off, so he shoved him again. “You haven’t changed either, Eds Spagheds. Except now you might be even cuter than you used to be. If that’s even possible.” He sighed dreamily and pinched his cheek, a familiar action that Eddie would never admit to missing. “Cute, cute, cute!”

“Fuck off, Richie!” he sputtered, pushing him away, which made him laugh, along with his friends that (he totally remembered 100%) were still there, watching them. Eddie cleared his throat and muttered that he would get a drink, leaving the table. He waited for Mary to finish someone’s drink while he sat at the bar when he felt someone, Bev probably, behind him.

“Look, Bev, I’ll tell you about it later, I just really need a drink right now,” he sighed, running his hand through his hair, messing it up more than he would usually allow.

“Oh, you’re gonna talk about me?” Eddie didn’t need to turn around to see the shit-eating grin that’s on Richie Tozier’s face, so he didn’t. Instead, he leaned his elbows on the bar, burying his face in his hands, groaning. He heard and felt Richie sit next to him, laughing softly. He looked up at him again, and vaguely wondered to himself if he should get drunk tonight.

“What happened, Eds?” His question was much softer than usual, hand almost touching his own, and Eddie knew exactly what he was asking. Before he moved, Richie had given him his number so he could call and they could keep in touch.

Eddie never called.

“It’s a long story, Richie. Look, I’m so sorry, I really wanted to call, I swear. I’ll tell you what happened eventually, I promise.” He looked Richie in the eyes, hoping he could tell that it was the truth. “You promise?” he murmured with a grin on his face, holding out his pinkie. Eddie softly laughed and took it by his own pinkie. “I promise.”

After that, Richie seemed to be back to normal. They got drinks and went back to the table, where Bill and Mike were already drunk, laughing loudly and holding on to each other. Ben’s cheeks were flushed, but Eddie wasn’t quite sure if that was because of the alcohol, or because Bev kept smiling at him. The main topic was Richie, them asking him questions about where he used to work (he was a drama teacher at a different school), why he came to their school (his old school shut down), and why/how he got into drama (he’s a dramatic ass bitch who’s loud and gay) (also he’s just always loved entertaining people)).

Eventually Eddie realized that it was nearing 7:30, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to go. He knew that he’d have time to see Richie whenever, but he hadn’t seen him for years, he didn’t want to just fuck off again. Bev noticed the time too, since she looked at Eddie with a raised eyebrow and a sly grin. He wanted to stay, but he knew that everyone would notice he was still there and would all give him shit. Especially Beverly and Stan, since Stan always went home at 8 and Bev was, well, Bev.

“Well,” Eddie said, standing up. “This has been fun, but it’s time for me to go.”

Richie looked at him with a wounded expression, and Eddie quickly regretted the decision, until he opened his mouth

“My Eddie Spaghetti is leaving me once again! How will I ever go on?” he sighed dramatically, wiping away fake tears. “My long-lost love returns and disappears again!”

Mike snorts. “He always leaves at 7:30. It’s a part of his very long, very detailed schedule.”

“Fuck off, Hanlon. Richie, go to hell.”

“Nooo Eds don’t leave me! You can talk all about your schedule!” Eddie rolled his eyes, grabbing his things. He started saying his goodbyes, hugging Bev and kissing her cheek. He turned to Richie last, about to say goodbye, when Richie quickly started talking before him

“Hey, I’ll, uh, walk you to your car, is that alright?” Eddie nodded and they walked out silently. Once they were outside, Richie turned to him.

“I really missed you, ya know?”

“I missed you too, Rich. I’m, uh, I’m really glad you got this job.”

“Me too.” Richie was smiling, but he looked nervous. “Hey, would it, um, be weird if I asked for your number?” Eddie chuckled softly and shook his head.

“Give me your phone, I’ll put it in.” He did, and he leaned over, watching Eddie create a new contact for himself. He handed his phone back to him and got his keys out. “Text or call me sometime, I’d really like to be able to hang out with you. Without the rest of them.”

Richie grinned more and nodded, tapping his fingers absentmindedly against the back of his phone. “I would too. I really missed you, Eddie Spaghetti,” he said again quietly. Eddie’s soft gaze at his vulnerability changed to annoyance at the use of the nickname.

“Actually, I changed my mind, you can delete my contact if you’re going to start calling me that again,” he said, getting into his car, starting it. He rolled the window down, looking at Richie, who looked as happy as ever. “I missed you too. Bye, I’ll see you later.” He was about to drive away when his phone buzzed. He looked at it quickly, and looked at Richie, who was smiling sheepishly at the ground.

“I, uh, wanted to make sure it was your number. Message me when you’re home, so I know you’re safe. I don’t want to hear about a spaghetti cleanup on aisle 4 right after I got you back.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, smiling. Despite the terrible joke, he had to admit that it was reassuring to know that Richie still really cared about him.

He got home quickly and looked at his phone again, smiling at the message before responding

**Richie :) –** oh light of my life Eds has finally returned to me, what a wonderful day. one for the history books to be sure

 **Eddie –** Hey asshole, I’m home now

 **Richie :) –** hey eds!! wow that was fast lmao how close do u live near the school

 **Eddie –** Ten minutes away. Stop calling me Eds, you know how much I hate it

 **Richie :) –** whoops u misspelled love <3

 **Eddie –** Go to hell Richie

 **Richie :) –** actually I was just there

 **Richie :) –** while I was fucking ur mom lol

 **Eddie –** Haha asswipe very fucking funny

 **Eddie –** I’m gonna go make myself dinner now and finish up schoolwork

 **Eddie –** Message me tomorrow and we’ll get lunch or dinner

 **Eddie –** I owe you an explanation and buying you a meal is the least I can do

 **Richie :) –** alright Eds Spagheds ill be looking forward to it every second until I can see u again

 **Richie :) –** goodnight bb **;** ) hope u dream of me

 **Eddie –** Goodnight Rich

Eddie started making himself dinner, trying to focus on something else, anything else. Sports (Richie’s hair), cars (Richie’s eyes), algebra (Richie’s arms), homework that he had to grade (Richie’s arms around him, touching him, holding him), his mom _(red eyes and a bruised wrist)._

Okay, so maybe thinking about Richie was better than thinking about his mom. Good to know.

He knew he would have to think about her the next day, it would be impossible to tell Richie what had happened without thoughts of her creeping up on him

_(and grabbing his wrists. “We’re leaving, Eddie. You can’t stay here, you’re sick. This place won’t help you.” Pulling him into the car, locking him inside. “It’s for your own good.”_

_It’s_

_For_

_Your_

_Own_

_Good)._

For his own good. That’s what she had always said. He was glad he had weekly therapy appointments because, despite him doing better, he recently had the start of a downward spiral. Especially knowing he would have to talk a bit about it to Richie (not _all_ of it, of course. Not even most of it. Just enough so where he’ll understand) the next day was enough to make him start to really panic.

For the last few months, Eddie Kaspbrak had been talking to his therapist about every subject under the sun, avoiding the topic of his mother. He had, of course, talked about her a small amount, but he knew that Sunday was going to be difficult. It was probably going to help, in the long run, and Eddie knew that he would be glad he did, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t going to suck for a while.

Friday night and Saturday continued as usual, with Eddie doing everything that he needed to do, when Richie finally messaged him at 1:18.

**Richie :) –** good afternoon eds!!

 **Richie :) –** I just had a long dream bout ur mom lol

 **Eddie –** You’re insufferable

 **Eddie –** Did you still want to hang out today?

 **Richie :) –** yeah!! have you eaten lunch yet??

 **Eddie –** Yes, I ate at 12:30, like a regular adult

 **Richie :) –** ooh feisty as ever. I love that in a man

 **Richie :) -** did u want to get dinner?

 **Eddie –** Considering I was the one who suggested it, yes. What time are you free?

 **Richie :) –** free all day bb

 **Eddie –** I’m starting to regret this. What do you want?

 **Richie :) –** like, in life?

 **Eddie –** For dinner, Rich

 **Richie :) –** oh lol I want spaghetti

 **Richie :) –** wink

 **Eddie –** Okay I regret this

 **Eddie –** Do you want to meet up somewhere or for me to pick you up?

 **Richie :) –** I’d say for you to pick me up but idk if you can

 **Richie :) –** ur a tiny little man lmao

 **Richie :) –** jk ily 

Eddie rolled his eyes, but asked for his address. When he got the message, he sent a thank you, told him what time he’d pick him up (which would be at 5:30), and started to look up Italian restaurants nearby. He ignored how much this felt like a date, because it wasn’t a date _(right?),_ this was just two long-lost friends _(who used to flirt)_ reconnecting _(after almost kissing all those years ago),_ getting to know each other again _(he’s the same, and so are you),_ and having dinner _(like a date. You’re going on a date with him)._

He found one he had been to a few times and looked up directions. He mentally calculated how far away Richie’s house was from his own, and how far away the restaurant was from that. It wasn’t too far. He continued cleaning until it was 4:15, when he started getting ready. He wasn’t going to put a lot of thought into what he was going to wear, because that would imply he was nervous and wanted to impress Richie, which might imply that this was a date, and it wasn’t a date. That being said, he ended up spending 45 minutes figuring out what he should wear (a light blue polo shirt with a jacket) and 15 minutes making sure he looked nice. He made sure he had his keys and his wallet and went out to his car, driving to the address Richie gave him.

It was a nice house, he vaguely thought to himself when he arrived. Not the biggest, but neither was his apartment. Blue with white framed windows with a rainbow flag hanging outside. Luckily, they lived in a fairly liberal town, so there were very few homophobes.

It was 5:28, and he wondered if he should knock or send him a text, when Richie opened the front door, locking it before going up to his car and getting in. He was wearing a patterned button up and Eddie somewhat wondered if he was wearing cologne and he somewhat wanted to die.

“Eds, it has been too long,” Richie said seriously, feigning a lovestruck look on his face. “Let’s never go that long without seeing each other ever again.”

“It’s been less than 24 hours.”

“I said what I said, Spaghetti Boy. Now, where are we eating? I am _starving_ and not even your cute little face will stop my appetite.”

Eddie grimaced, backing out of his driveway. “It’s a good restaurant about 10 minutes away. Don’t call me any Italian themed names or I will kick you out of my car.”

Richie laughed, a sound that Eddie had missed for years, and nodded. “Fine Eds, you win this time. So, how did you start your fancy teaching job?”

“I moved to this town two years ago after I graduated college at NYU, and worked at Turtle Cove to get some money and form a steady plan for about a month until I heard that the high school needed a math teacher. Went in for an interview, and I’ve worked there since.”

“Damn, so I bet you’re the young, sexy teacher that everyone has a thing for.”

“That would be Beverly,” he laughed, then thought for a moment. “Or Ben. Or literally any of my other friends. Yeah, I don’t have any admirers.”

Richie started biting at his fingernails. “I don’t know about that,” he muttered, almost shyly, and Eddie knew that he would dwell on that later.

The rest of the car ride was fine. They bickered and laughed until they got to the restaurant, then they went inside, got a table, and ordered.

“So,” Richie said, taking a drink of his soda after getting their food. “Tell me the tale of ‘Eddie Kaspbrak Moves Away, Leaving the Love of His Life’, I’ve been dying to hear it.” Eddie winced, feeling bad, despite his stupid joke, but Richie smiled softly, obviously not too upset.

“Alright, I’ll spare you all the gory details for now. I might tell you everything eventually, but it’s kind of a mood killer. Hold all reactions and comments until the end, alright?” Richie nodded, so he continued. “My mom was a little unstable. That summer we were working together, I found out something about her, and it ruined my life. I confronted her about it, and she didn’t like that. Some things happened after that, one of them being her learning I was into guys, and she told me we were moving. Then I ran to you at the shop. After we talked and you gave me your number, I went back home. We started to fight again, and she found the paper with your number. She was so fucking mad. She tore it up, and we left that day. We went to New York, staying with one of her sisters, and I eventually went to NYU, graduated, and moved here to get away from her. So, yeah, I’m sorry. I really did want to call you.”

Eddie took a bit of his food, and Richie realized he was done, so he responded.

“Jesus Christ, Eds. I’m so sorry.” Richie grabbed his free hand, and Eddie looked up, turning red. “That really fucking sucks. And like, don’t ever feel pressured to like talk about it, if it’s like, I dunno, like bad for you? And would just make you upset? I’m here if you need me, but don’t feel the need to tell me just for my sake. Like your mental health is more important, you know?”

Eddie laughed softly and nodded. “Thanks, Rich. If I ever do tell you, I don’t think it’ll be soon. It’s been two years since I left, and I’m still learning how to live, if that makes any sense.”

“I get it. I’m glad you got away from her.”

“Thanks. Can we, uh, talk about something else?”

“Yeah, dude, of course! You can tell me about your schedule!”

Eddie groaned. “Everybody makes fun of my schedule, but it’s not weird to want constants in your life. I just like being able to live a simple life without surprises.”

“Relax, Eds, I think it’s cute. I mean, I think that pretty much everything about you is cute, but still.” Richie was still holding his hand and started to blush, which Eddie was _acutely_ aware of.

“I doubt that,” he chuckled. “You’ve seen how neurotic I can get, haven’t you?”

“And on top of that, you’re the cutest guy ever. Honestly, I don’t know how I’m expected to handle it. It’s just not fair. So, come on, tell me about your schedule. I wanna know about it.”

So, Eddie did.

He told him all about his schedule. How it was the same every week, save for what he did with whichever friend. How he had everything planned, including the way he cleaned his house.

Richie teased him, of course. He was expecting that. When they had first met, the constant joking around and teasing annoyed the fuck out of him. Because _of course_ it would. Why wouldn’t it? He was a seventeen year old kid who had been homeschooled since he was twelve, who was shorter than most guys, had asthma, and who’s only friend was his shitty mom.

_(Not to mention his repressed sexuality that was resurfacing every time Eddie made Richie laugh, which happened to be a lot)_

So yeah, it made sense to Eddie that he hated Richie during the first two weeks of his job. He hated his dumb smile, the way he was constantly moving, drumming his fingers, tapping his feet, occasionally playing music when there weren’t any customers and dance, trying to get Eddie to join him. He always had too much energy. He hated the way Richie called him ‘Eds’, a dumb nickname for Eddie _(which was already a fucking nickname)_ , the stupid voices he did, and the way he stuck his tongue out when concentrating. But the thing Eddie hated the _most_ was how Richie would catch him staring at him doing something stupid and _wink._ It was the most obnoxious, infuriating thing, and it made Eddie want to smack him. Or kiss him.

That’s when Eddie realized. Oh, he _liked_ the dumbass. Because God or whoever looked down on this pale motherfucker with 101 health problems, internalized homophobia, or biphobia, to be more specific, and enough mommy issues to make Freud shit himself, and thought to themselves, ‘Oh, to add the cherry on top of this _absolute package_ , let’s make this fucking guy, who thinks Axe body spray is the pinnacle of class, and who cuts himself shaving (when he doesn’t even have a beard to shave) his _exact type!_ Won’t that just be fucking hilarious?’

Life really got off on his suffering, didn’t it?

“So, you do all of this alone?” Richie asked eventually. “You haven’t found someone to add to your everyday schedule? A Kaspbrak spouse to share your life with?”

“Is that your incredibly subtle way of asking if I’m single?”

“Depends. _Are_ you single?”

Eddie chuckled. “I wouldn’t be holding your hand if I weren’t. Contrary to popular belief, nobody’s breaking down my door to take me out. I’m not really a catch, you know.”

Richie laughed nervously, blushing a bit more. “Like I said, Eds, I’m fucking _positive_ that most of your students have a thing for you.”

“God, I hope not. I don’t need any children confessing their love for me, it would just make me uncomfortable. But, what about you? Any major life events since the last time I saw you?”

“Other than 8 years in jail and 3 restraining orders, nothing much.”

“Oh, shut up, you’re not fucking funny.”

He grinned, tapping his fingers against the table. “I mean, it’s been fairly uneventful. I already said on Friday that I went to college for theater, my professor told me I’d make a good teacher, so I started an internship. My old school shut down, and I came here. I’m glad I did.”

“Me too,” Eddie said with a slight smile, and they continued their dinner.

“God, I still can’t believe we work at the same place.”

They had left the restaurant and gotten in the car when Richie spoke up. “I can’t either,” Eddie murmured, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s honestly crazy. I mean, I never thought I would ever see you again.”

“You know, I,” he chuckled. “I kind of kept the inhaler you gave me. Just in case you ever came back. Plus, I just really missed you. I still have it if you want it.”

“You, wait, you kept it?” he laughed in disbelief, glancing at him from the driver’s seat. “For seven years?”

“Yeah, of course. Do you want it back? It’s in my drawer, I could grab it for you really quick.”

“It’s probably expired, you know. You should’ve thrown it away a few years ago.” He pulled the car around the corner and parked in Richie’s driveway. “I can’t believe you kept it for seven years.”

“Wait, is that weird? Because I’m only just now realizing how that could really freak someone out.”

“It’s sweet. In a stalkerish way,” he teased, and Richie stuck his tongue out at him as he unbuckled his seatbelt.

“You obviously don’t appreciate me. I’ll just go find a man that does.” He opened the door and got out, and went to Eddie’s side before going inside. He gestured for Eddie to roll down the window, and he did. Richie leaned down, resting his arms on the window seal. “Thanks for dinner, Eds. It was great. Hey, what time do you usually get to the school?”

“6:45, why?”

He nodded to himself, softly repeating the time. He grinned again, and ruffled Eddie’s hair, making him shove him away. Richie laughed, and hesitated a bit before nodding again.

“Alright, I’m gonna go. Thanks again. Goodnight, Eddie Spaghetti, I’ll see you next week.”

“Bye, Richie. See you next week.”

He waited for Richie to get in his house, making sure he was safe. He gave a final wave, closing his front door, and he sighed. Eddie pulled out of his driveway and started his way home.

As he was driving to his apartment, he kept thinking about Richie, and as his heart started pounding, he became more and more convinced of one thing, and one thing only.

Eddie Kaspbrak was fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna be real, I don't know when I'll post the next chapter. I'll try finishing it soon, but I'm a student who has all online classes right now. I am Stressed


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this is unreadable, I sincerely apologize. I just finished it and it is currently two in the morning, and I refuse to wait until after I wake up because I am incredibly impatient.

Eddie waited for his therapy appointment, sitting outside of their office, bouncing his leg. He felt his palms sweating, and he briefly hoped that they weren’t actually there, and that he could go home, not having to worry about his mom, or anything else. He could pretend that everything was fine, that _he_ was fine.

But Dr. Young walked out at 12:59, as usual, greeting him with a smile, and waved him in their office.

“Good afternoon, Eddie. How’s your day going?” they asked once the door was closed and he was seated.

“It’s going great! I went out to dinner last night with an old friend, I learned a new recipe, I only had one panic attack throughout the week instead of two. I think I’ve made some amazing progress.”

They chuckled, typing something down in their computer. “We’ll get back to the panic attacks later, but you had dinner with an old friend? Are they from your hometown?”

“Yeah, he is. We used to work together before I moved away.”

“Did you reach out to him?”

“No, it’s crazy, he actually got a job at the high school. He had no idea I worked there. But we got to catch up a bit, and that was nice.”

“I’m glad, but I have a question. How did you feel after meeting with him?”

“What do you mean?”

“Although we haven’t discussed it yet, you’ve mentioned that you have a strained relationship with your mother. I was wondering if meeting with you friend brought up any unpleasant memories, or is the reason for your feelings of anxiety.”

He bounced his leg more, glancing at the small shelf next to his chair. There were toys for kids, a Zen garden, and a blue slinky that Eddie always wanted to grab, but never did. He was too self-conscious and afraid of their judgement. He looked back at them and saw that they were waiting kindly for him to answer, and he sighed.

“It’s not like I’m upset to see him or anything. I actually really liked him when we were younger, and I’m happy that we get to be friends again. I feel like shit because when I’m around him, I’m happy and we have a good time, but when he leaves and I’m alone, I just remember the things that my mom put me through, and that fucking _sucks_. God, I hate feeling like this, but he. He reminds me of my mom.”

“How so?”

_(“You’re just confused”)_

_(“This isn’t who you are”)_

_(“You aren’t a”)_

“Eddie?” He looked up, and Dr. Young was still waiting for him to say something.

“I’m sorry,” he said, getting up. “I have to go. I have, uh. I have a thing.”

“Eddie, wait,” they started to say before he opened the door and quickly left, fumbling for his car keys.

“FUCK!” he shouted in his car after getting in. Someone walking in front of his car heard him and jumped slightly. He cursed under his breath and quickly composed himself, smiling at them apologetically, giving a wave. They gave him a dirty look and kept walking. “Okay. Okay. You’re fine, shut the fuck up, Kaspbrak. You’re okay.” He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel and nodded. “Alright. You’re okay.”

He had fully intended to tell them about his mom, every single shitty she had done, said, and put him through. But he was such a _fucking pussy_ that he panicked and left, with him feeling worse than when he first went in. He never left his appointment early, what the _fuck_ was wrong with him? He drove back to his apartment, ranting to himself the entire time.

_(You’re a coward. You’re such a fucking loser. How can you be okay when you won’t even talk about shit? You’re not gonna get better.)_

He needed to be better.

 _(Do you_ actually _need to get better?)_

Yes.

_(It wasn’t that bad.)_

It obviously was, he was still pretty fucked up.

_(You’re just a piece of shit, Eddie, it was your fault.)_

Eddie gripped his hands against the steering wheel, gritting his teeth. He felt himself get angrier, so he glanced at the side of the road before pulling over. He tried some breathing exercises that Dr. Young had given him when he first started going to them.

“My name is Eddie Kaspbrak. I am 24 years old. I am real. I am safe.” He started telling himself what they had suggested to him. “I am not my anxiety. I am not my anxiety. I am not my anxiety.” He took another deep breath and calmed down, running his hand through his hair. He could see people drive pass by and look over at him, and he figured he should get home. He made a mental plan in his head. Go home, make sure everything’s clean _(even though you already cleaned it yesterday, dumbass)_ , and make sure he had everything for school the next day. He drove, thinking of how Beverly would interrogate him, asking about how he knew Richie.

Tomorrow was going to suck.

He was right.

As soon as Bev opened the door of the break room, she was sitting next to him, asking him questions. He groaned, and she nudged his arm lightly. “Eddie, tell me how you know him!”

“He told you all on Friday. We used to work together, we were friends, I moved. That’s it.”

She snorted, getting her lunch out. “Eddie, that’s bullshit. Based off of the way you all were looking at each other on Friday, there’s no way in _hell_ you all were just friends."

“Alright, look, we may have almost had a thing, but that was _seven_ years ago. It also may have been one-sided; I really don’t know. Just don’t fucking talk to Richie about it. I don’t need him knowing about a stupid crush from when I was a kid.”

“Eddie, he was flirting with you the entire time you were at the bar. Even after you left, he talked about you a lot. I seriously doubt it was one-sided.”

“It doesn’t matter! Like I said, that was seven years ago, so any feelings he may or may not have had towards me are most likely gone!” he protested, ignoring how Richie acted towards him on Saturday. “Can you _please_ stop focusing on my love life?”

“Are the feelings _you_ had for him gone?” she asked, and Eddie suddenly wanted to commit a murder-suicide.

“Yes,” he lied, taking a drink of his water.

“You’re such a bad liar, holy shit.” She was laughing now.

“Shut the fuck up,” he snapped. “I’m not, you just keep looking too far into things. It was a stupid teenage crush, and it went away after, like, a few weeks after we moved.” That was another lie, and Beverly could tell, since she gave him another grin.

“So, you wouldn’t mind if I set him up with someone?”

“Okay, fucking, first off; you don’t know him, you can’t set him up with someone. Second, I _know_ you don’t actually have a guy you want him to go out with, and you’re just saying that to piss me off so I’ll admit the feelings you think I have for him, and that’s really immature.”

“I think he and Bill would be great together.” Eddie rolled his eyes at her grin, and he ate more of his lunch. “Should I set them up?”

“Fucking go for it. I don’t see why it should matter to me.”

“You’re no fun. Oh shit, wait. I tried calling you on Saturday to see if we could grab dinner, but you didn’t answer.” He became silent, drinking more of his water, and she raised an eyebrow. “Eddie, where were you?”

“Um. I was having dinner with Richie. Jesus, Bev, stop laughing!” 

“After all this fucking talk, ‘Oh, I don’t like him’ and ‘That was seven years ago, he doesn’t like me’, you were on a _date_ with him two days ago.”

“It wasn’t a _date_. It was just two old friends catching up. Nothing romantic about it.”

“Bullshit. What happened?”

He sighed, tapping his fingers against the table. “He told me he wouldn’t be surprised if any of my students had a thing for me, called me cute a few times, asked me if I was single.”

“ _Eddie_.”

“I know,” he sighed.

“Do you?” she was still laughing, making it harder for her to talk. “Oh, that’s so fucking sad. Is there anything else that happened on the not-date that I’d wanna hear about?” He was silent for a moment, avoiding her eyes. “Eddie? What happened?”

“I mean. At one point he grabbed my hand and he held it for a while. But that doesn’t mean he likes me.”

“Eddie. You’re my friend and you mean the world to me”

“I feel like I’m about to be insulted.”

“But your inability to comprehend the obvious is truly remarkable. How the _fuck_ can you think that shit is platonic?”

“Okay, fine, maybe it isn’t 100% platonic, but it doesn’t matter. Even if he does like me, I shouldn’t ask him out or anything.”

“Why not?” she asked, exasperated.

“I just don’t think I’m in a good emotional state to go out with someone, alright? Besides, I haven’t been in a relationship for this long, and dating someone either leads to breaking up or marriage, and I don’t want to deal with either of those things.”

She sighed, opening a soda can. “Fine, alright. If that really isn’t something that you want, that’s okay. Just please let yourself be happy.”

“Alright,” he said, and that was that.

Eventually Eddie finished his lunch early, and he would’ve stayed behind to hang out with Beverly, but he knew he had a few papers to grade. So, he walked back to his classroom, listening to the scuffs of his shoes against the floor and the muted conversations from the other rooms he was passing. He took the moment by himself to breathe, trying to forget about everything involving his hometown. Forget about his mom, his dad, the lies, Richie.

“Hey, Eddie Spaghetti!”

_(Fuck.)_

“Rich?” Eddie stopped in front of his door where Richie was currently standing, leaning against the wall. “What are you doing here, don’t you have class? And don’t call me that, we’re in a professional setting for crying out loud.” 

“I actually don’t have any classes right now, I’m on break. And would you rather me call you Mr. Spaghetti? That’s more professional.”

He rolled his eyes, nodding to a passing student before turning back to Richie. “So, why are you outside of my classroom? Also, how did you find my classroom?”

“I thought I’d give my favorite little Spaghetti Man a visit. And I just asked Myra nicely which classroom you were in.”

“Oh.” He fidgeted with his keys, trying to unlock the door. “That’s, I mean, that’s nice of you. Um. How’s your day going?”

He laughed, following Eddie in his classroom when he finally got it open. “Dude, you’re so fucking awkward.”

“Oh, fuck off. People don’t usually visit me during work, okay?” He sat down at his desk, pulling out the ungraded papers. “I have to grade these. You can stay, if you want.”

“You’re working? Gross, I could never.”

“How did you even get this job- Actually, whatever, never mind. Just, how have your classes been? Have the students been… nice to you?”

“Yeah, they’ve all been super chill. It’s a drama class, most of them seem to be queer, and because I also give off that vibe, I think some of them have adopted me as their weird gay uncle. Which isn’t off brand for me, I guess.”

“I’m glad they haven’t been shitty. My first year teaching here sucked. I almost quit; I probably would have if I didn’t desperately need the money. Plus, the others were supportive.”

“They all seem great.”

“They really are. Once you get to know them, you’ll love them, I’m sure of it.” Eddie looked up at him and saw him leaning against the wall. “Oh, shit, sorry. I don’t have any other chairs.”

“It’s fine. You know, I kinda get the feeling that the tall one with curly hair doesn’t like me. He seemed annoyed on Friday.”

“Stanley? He probably doesn’t not like you or anything. He’s just pretty introverted.”

He nodded, tapping his foot. “What about the others? You don’t think I’m, like, annoying them too much, do you?”

“Not yet,” he said, deadpan, and Richie flipped him off. “Really though, I don’t think you are. Beverly seems to like you just fine, and I’m sure the others do too.”

“Alright,” he murmured, picking at his nails. “I just know I can be a lot sometimes, and I don’t wanna scare them off or anything.”

“I mean, if it makes you feel any better, I warmed up to you. Granted, it took like two weeks, but that’s faster than I expected.”

He laughed and the first student of Eddie’s next class walked in, looking strangely at Richie before taking a seat. He nodded at her politely before looking at his watch. “Alright, I should get back to my classroom now. Hey, what time do you usually get to the school?”

“6:45, why?”

He nodded to himself, softly repeating the time. He grinned again and ruffled Eddie’s hair, making him shove him away, glancing at the student, who was reading a book, pretending not to notice their interaction. Richie laughed, hesitating a bit before nodding again. “Just wondering. Enjoy the rest of your day, Spaghetti Boy. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Don’t fu- Don’t call me that!” Richie just laughed again, giving him a slight wink before leaving. He rolled his eyes, cheeks red, and continued grading papers. More students came in one by one, and he was glad to finally able to get his mind off of Richie and distract himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ngl, I already finished the ending, I just have a Lot of stuff in the middle that I gotta get through. Comment if you liked it!! Have a great day!! :) <3


End file.
